and then you die
by summerenchanted
Summary: Spike has turned human because of the demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before it's too late? CHAPTER 13 NOW UP!!!!!!!!!!STRANGE CHAPTER!!!!Please R/R
1. Realisations

Title: ........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters here are on loan for this fic by Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has turned human by the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before it's too late? 

Authors notes: Buffy never died! 

Feedback: Yeah that would be great. I'd love to hear what you think. 

Chapter One - Realisations

Spike arose slowly from a long sleep having passed out the night before after a fairly brutal headache. 

He slowly got up from the tomb he'd been lying on when a strange feeling came over him. He felt hot and shaky. 

The headaches were getting worse lately . 

He hadn't told anyone though not even Buffy his beloved slayer. 

*Not like she'd care anyway* he thought to himself. 

He quickly went to turn on his television to watch today's episode of Passions when he noticed something different. He saw something he hadn't seen in years and years. There staring back at him in the haze of the tv screen was his reflection. 

He stood there for a moment just staring at the screen . He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His reflection, HIS.........this was HIS reflection. 

He slowly brought his hand up to touch his face and watched as the man staring back at him did the same. 

"Oh bugger" he said his voice laced with shock and confusion. He slowly brought his hand over his heart and yep there it was. A beating. Strong and steady. 

" OH NO PLEASE NO" he exclaimed with panic. Realisation finally hit him......he's..........ALIVE. 

With a panicked rush he grabbed his duster and ran out of his crypt and into the light not noticing for the first time that it wasn't burning him. He ran as fast as he could to the one person who he felt could understand......................Buffy. 

A/N: I know this was a short chapter but trust me there WILL be more soon.........TBC 


	2. Revello Drive

Title:...........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters here are on loan for this fic by Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can hey get together before it's too late? 

Authors notes: Buffy never died 

Feedback: Yeah that would excellent. Much appreciated. Thanks. 

Chapter Two - Revello Drive

He ran faster than he had run in his life . His legs felt heavy and sluggish. He became short of breath and sweaty. 

*This is definitely a new experience he thought as he paused for a rest. 

He sat down on the grass and looked up at the sky. The sun was blazing down on him no wonder he felt hot and sweaty. 

"What was I thinking going out in leather?" he said to himself as he shrugged the coat off his shoulders, got up and continued to walk the rest of the way. 

He turned off onto Revello Drive and stood outside her house unsure of whether to knock or not. But he knew he had to. He needed answers. 

He had a strange sort of nervous feeling in his stomach which he didn't like. He felt his insides flip flop and he felt as though he was going to be sick. 

He managed to shrug the feeling off as he approached her door and rang the bell as he nervously waited for someone to answer. 

A wave of uncertainty passed over him as he heard footsteps approaching the door. It swung open and he caught a glance at the person behind it. 

A surprised voice choked out "Spike" 

"Giles......................." 

_____________________________________ 

A/N : I know, I know these are too short. The next chapter will be up real soon. Thanks for reading. Please review I want to know what you think. Thanks. 

TBC 


	3. Help?

Title: .......and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the show or characters. They are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before it's too late? 

Authors notes: Buffy never died! 

Feedback: Yeah that would be excellent. Much appreciated, thanks! 

Chapter Three - Help?

Giles was surprised to see Spike standing outside in the daylight. 

"Spike" Giles said again totally confused as to what Spike was doing there at this time of day. 

He quickly pulled what he thought to be Spike the Vampire inside and closed he door. 

"What are you here for?" the Watcher said coolly. 

Spike was just about to reply when Buffy came storming out of the kitchen. 

"Giles who was that at the..............oh it's you" she said coldly. "What do you want now?". 

She just stood there waiting for an explanation. 

"Help" he said quietly 

"Help" Giles replied " help with what?" 

Spike was about to answer when Buffy cut him off. 

"He's probably gotten into some trouble at Willy's Bar and wants us to give him some money". 

Spike sighed and stared longingly at Buffy wanting so much for her to understand him. Instead mumbling "Why do I bother?" he turned around and headed for the door. 

Giles suddenly reached for Spike and grabbed the Vampires arm. Giles had noticed something off the moment he touched Spike. He is..........WARM. 

"Spike" Giles said confused "You've got a temperature". 

"WHAT?" Buffy screamed "How can he have? He's a Vampire!" 

Giles brought his hand up to Spike's neck feeling for.........yep found it.......a pulse. 

Giles and Buffy stood there looking at Spike as though he'd grown an extra head. Spike waited for one of them to say something but no one did. They just stared at him waiting for an explanation. 

Spike cleared his throat and thought it best to just tell them what he knew. 

"I'm Alive". 


	4. Answers and Truths

Title:..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss, Warner Bros, Fox and Mutant Enemy own it all. 

Summary: Spike has turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before it's too late? 

Authors notes: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after 'Forever'. 

Feedback: That would be excellent. I'd love to hear what you think 

Chapter Four - Answers and Truths

"YOU'RE WHAT?" Buffy exclaimed unable to believe what she was hearing. 

"Alive, Slayer" Spike repeated "You know, it means living, in existence". 

Buffy just glared at him. She just couldn't believe what she was hearing. Could it really be possible? She silently walked over to where he was standing and placed her hand over his chest feeling his heartbeat. 

Just the slightest touch of her hand on his skin brought a warm tingling sensation all over his body. *God how he wanted her to touch him* he thought. 

His heartbeat became accelerated and his breath shallow. He brought his hand up to cover hers resting on his hard muscular chest. 

She unknowingly smiled at the touch of his warm instead of cool skin. She suddenly realised what she was doing and pulled her hand free. Breaking contact with him. 

"This is kinda freaky" she said with confusion "How did this happen? Why did it happen?" 

Spike wanted to say it was because they belonged together but he knew she'd never buy it and he wasn't about to confess his undying love to her in front of the Watcher. 

Instead he just replied "Well Pet, I wouldn't be here if I had all the answers now would I?" 

They continued to stare at each other for a moment before Giles said "Well.............why don't we all just sit down and discuss this". 

Spike and Buffy followed Giles into the living room where they each took a seat. Spike sat by himself in the armchair whereas Buffy and Giles took the couch. Spike felt their eyes on him and he began to feel uncomfortably hot. He felt his face heat up so he turned away form their gaze. 

Buffy's face broke into a smile as she saw Spike blush. She unsuccessfully tried to hold back a giggle. 

"Oh shut up" Spike replied as he buried his face in his hands he could feel another headache coming on. 

Buffy watched Spike as he did this. She almost started to feel sorry for him but she knew she couldn't, she wouldn't be fooled by his games. 

Giles broke the silence once more "So Spike..............why don't you tell us what happened" 

After a few seconds Spike raised his head and focused his eyes on the Watcher. 

"Well it's like this" he said his voice laced with sarcasm "I went to bed last night, got up this morning to watch passions" Buffy rolled her eyes "And I notice I have a reflection". 

"Mmm" Giles said taking off his glasses and cleaning them "Anything unusual happen to you lately?" 

"What? Besides bloody waking up a human?" Spike said sharply. 

"Yes" 

Spike thought for a moment. He wondered if he should tell them about the bite he got from the Ghorac Demon. If he did tell them, then he'd get Dawn into trouble and he promised her he wouldn't say anything. He'd made up his mind. 

"I was bitten" He said quietly 

"Bitten?" Giles was confused "Bitten by what exactly?" 

"A Ghorac Demon.......I found it's nest near the Hellmouth" Spike sighed and looked up at Buffy. She was staring at him intensely. 

"And what were you doing near it's nest?" Giles inquired putting his glasses back on his face. 

"All right I was looking for it's eggs so I could sell them" he said making up an excuse so he'd not get the Lil'Bit in trouble. "I got bit while I was in the process of trying to take one" He lifted up his shirt as he said this to show his two companions the large bite shaped scar over his stomach. 

"My word" said Giles "You were very lucky to have gotten away with just a scar. That sort of Demon could have ripped you in two. I think it is possible to assume that he could be the cause for your sudden humanity. The Ghorac Demon does hold certain regenerative powers." 

Buffy just continued to stare at Spike's torso. Spike lifted his shirt back down and Buffy stood up. "God Spike how could you be so stupid?, This is just like you, God I don't understand you could have been killed for some dumb eggs". 

"Oh like you suddenly care" he stood up now and looked at her face " All you care about is what's going on in your life, Angels life. You see good in everyone..............everyone but me!" 

Spike looked at Buffy hurt. 

Buffy had an angry expression on her face when she said "Well how can you expect me to trust you when you pull some crap like this?" 

Spike said nothing for a moment and just continued to stare at her. After awhile he spoke "You trusted Angel, But you don't trust me!" 

She was angry now. * How can he compare himself to Angel?* she thought. 

"Angel had a soul" she said out loud. 

"And what a difference a soul makes" he said "You know I'm more human than he ever was, even more so now!" He reached for her hand but she pulled away. 

Buffy was about to reply when Dawn came in through the front door. She saw the three of them with strained expressions on their faces and said "What's going on?" 

A/N: I hope this chapter was a bit longer for you. Chapter 5 will be up real soon. I love the reviews you've sent me. Please keep reviewing. 

TBC...................... 


	5. Dealing?

Title: ..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the show or characters. They are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before it's too late? 

Authors notes: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons five and six but after 'Forever'. 

Feedback: That would be great. I'd love it. Thanks! 

Chapter Five - Dealing

Everyone stood in silence for a moment not knowing what to say. The silence was finally broken by Buffy. 

"Dawn.............um" she stuttered 

"What? Is there something wrong? Has someone died?" she asked innocently. 

"No Dawn nothing like that. It's uh.............." Buffy trailed off 

"Why is Spike here this time of day?" she asked 

Spike looked down at Buffy silently urging her to continue. 

"Dawn Spike's..........................alive" 

Dawns expression changed to a look of excitement. "WHAT? HOW? she said as she reached for Spike giving him a hug, feeling his warm skin. 

"We think it was a Ghorac Demon" Giles intervened "although we're not sure". 

Dawn pulled away form Spike for a moment and looked up at him, unsure if he had told them about the spell to get her mother back. 

Spike was about to say something to her when Giles cut in. "I should be going Buffy I have to be back at the Magic Box. I told Anya I'd only be about an hour or so....." 

Giles got up and proceeded to grab his jacket while Buffy walked him to the door. 

"Bring Spike to the shop tonight around seven. We can talk and research the situation in more detail. And you'd better call the others too". 

"But what do I do with him until then?" Buffy asked a sense of panic behind her voice. 

"Just try and keep him occupied" Giles told her as he walked out the door and down the front drive. 

She stood at the door for a moment watching Giles get into his car and drive off. Sighing she closed the front door and turned back around startled to come face to face with a worried looking Spike. 

"You OK Pet?" he asked 

"Fine" she said avoiding his gaze as she made her way past him back into the living room and took a seat on the couch. 

Spike came back in and kneeled down next to her taking her hands in his. 

"Look Buffy" he began "I know I probably don't deserve what's happened to me but........" 

"Of course you deserve it Spike" Dawn cut in "you've worked just as hard as any of us have. Your one of us, isn't he Buffy?" 

Buffy just sat there and silently nodded. 

"Well" Spike said standing to leave "maybe I shall be going back to my crypt" 

"No you can't" Buffy cut in quickly "You have to stay here so we can keep an eye on you". She looked up at him "Make sure you don't get yourself in any trouble". 

"What? I'm not staying here he said confused. *Maybe she does care about me* he thought to himself hopefully. 

"Giles thinks it will be a good idea if stay here for now until we meet him tonight at the Magic Box" 

*Or maybe she's still an Ice Queen* he thought smiling "Whatever" he sighed and sat down again in the armchair. 

At that time Buffy got up "Look I'm gonna go and get started on dinner" she told them. 

"Yeah, your probably starving" Dawn said looking down at Spike 

"Wow now that you come to mention it I do have a sort of gnawing feeling in my stomach" he said with astonishment. 

"I'll go and fix something then" she said and hurried off into the kitchen leaving Dawn and Spike alone to talk in the living room. 

******* 

Buffy opened her fridge and viewed it's contents. That's when it hit her she'd been so wrapped up in Spike's situation she'd forgot to go grocery shopping. Sighing she reached for the phone and dialled a familiar number. 

"Hello Remo's Pizza, how can I help you?" a voice answered 

"Yeah hi, look uh..........I want to order two large pepperoni with extra cheese and two garlic bread on the side". 

"Ok.....anything else?" 

"Uh....yeah I want two tubs of cookie dough ice cream and a two litre bottle of coke". 

"Ok.....and where's that going honey?" 

"Number 1200 Revello Drive" 

"Ok....that will be $32.75 plus tip" 

"Fine" Buffy said "thank you". Buffy put the phone back on the receiver and sat down on a stool. Now all there was nothing to do but wait. *ha, cooking is easy* she thought. 

******* 

Half an hour later Buffy, Dawn and Spike were sitting at the kitchen table eating. Two near empty pizza boxes lying on the table in front of them and a empty bottle of soda. Spike had a huge smirk on his face as he stuffed another slice of pizza in his mouth. 

"Wow this pizza stuff tastes great" he said grinning "you finished with that?" he asked pointing to Buffy's plate. 

"If you wanted some more why didn't you just ask?" she said reaching for his plate. She gave him a couple more slices of pizza. "Save some room for dessert though". 

"Ooh what we having?" Dawn asked 

"Ice cream" 

"Ooh what flavour?" she said 

"Cookie Dough" 

"Great" Dawn said excitedly 

"What's got into you Dawn?" Buffy asked her confused at her sisters excitement. 

"Oh nothing, I'm just happy" she said "I mean it's so great. Spike's human now, he can do what we do. Go out, take a walk in the sun, get a tan, eat food! I mean he's normal now, not that he wasn't normal before you know form a Vampire perspective but know he's just like normal which is totally cool and.......was I just rambling?" 

"Just a little" Spike said to her with a grin. "I know what you mean though Nibblet it's all different now. I can do what I want and go anywhere I want to" he said while looking at Buffy. 

Buffy just smiled at him and sat there quietly watching the two eat. 

"Finished?" she asked when she saw their empty plates. 

When Dawn and Spike both acknowledged that they had Buffy made a move to get up and clear away the remnants of dinner. 

"Let me help you with those" Spike took a couple of plates and bought them to the sink. He turned around and nearly bumped into her. They stared at each other for a moment before Buffy pulled her gaze away from his and walked around him to get to the freezer door. 

*Oh yeah she wants him BAD* Dawn thought from her spot at the kitchen table. 

******* 

Buffy, Dawn and Spike arrived at the Magic Box a little after seven that night. The rest of the Scooby Gang were already there seated around the round table at the back. All except Anya of course. She was busy counting today's profits and pricing goods. Giles was sitting at the table also. Several open books with carefully marked passages and texts were laid out in front of him. They all looked up as the three entered the shop and proceeded to walk through to the back. 

Dawn took a seat in one of the available chairs around the table while Buffy and Spike chose to stand. 

"Well, if it isn't Not So Dead Boy Junior" Xander said breaking the silence. 

"Well if it isn't Mr Glorified Bricklayer" Spike snapped back at the dark hared teen "what's wrong Monkey Boy couldn't move those oranges at the off ramp?" 

"Hey, you........." Xander stuttered. Spike just looked down at him and smiled satisfied that he'd won their little verbal battle. 

Spike then pulled out his packet of cigarettes and proceeded to light one up. Almost immediately he started coughing and wheezing. Dawn snickered at the smoke which filled the air and Spike then stomped the cigarette out on the floor. This didn't make Anya too happy as she came over with a dustpan and brush. 

"Smoking is not only bad for your lungs it's bad for ours too" she said sweeping up the ash. 

"Yeah" Dawn cut in "it can give you cancer and emphysema. Your really killing yourself slowly and anyway I don't want you to". 

"Bloody Hell" Spike sighed "what do I do now then?" he asked. 

"Chew gum" Dawn replied "it's much better for you and it helps keep your teeth clean between meals". 

Buffy laughed thinking her sister sounded like an ad campaign manager for Wrigley Spearmint Gum. 

"This is really weird" said Willow who had been silent up until now " I mean we're talking about the dangers of smoking to Spike. I never thought this would happen". 

"That makes two of us Red" Spike replied. 

"How exactly did this happen again?" Xander asked to know one in particular. 

"It couldn't have been a spell" said Tara "I don't know of any spells in existence that can do this kind of thing". 

"No, no it definitely wasn't a spell" said Giles "we think, or rather we know it was a Ghorac Demon". 

"Ghorac Demon?" Willow repeated. 

"Yes" said Anya "they have regenerative quality's. Their quite disgusting" she said frankly. 

"Evidently from what Spike's told us already he was bitten by one and of course that could or rather would explain his present state" explained Giles who was once more cleaning his glasses. 

Dawn looked down at the table ashamed but sort of glad that she tried for those eggs. Sure Spike got hurt and all but Spike wouldn't be human now and wouldn't have a chance with her sister. She smiled to herself happily knowing that if Spike were to remain human she would have a real family again. Just Spike, Buffy and her. She looked up and caught Buffy staring at her. *If only you knew* she thought. 

"So what do we do now?" Dawn said. 

"What do you mean?" Buffy replied as Giles looked up placing his glasses back on his face. 

"Well, where's Spike gonna stay? he can't stay in his Crypt again......its cold and damp there. No place for a human being to live". 

"Oh so now I'm human I have to move?" Spike asked. 

"Well........yeah" replied Xander "a Crypt is not the best place to bring dates back to". 

"Look, all we're saying Spike is that since your human now your an easy target for Vampires and other Demons. And you don't want to go getting turned again" Giles explained. 

Spike gave an exasperated sigh. 

"Hey you know what I just thought?" Xander asked " what about the chip? I mean is it deactivated now or what?" 

They all looked at each other. None of them daring to say anything. 

Finally Spike spoke up. They all stared at him. 

"Well then lets find out" he said suddenly lashing out at Xander. 

"HEY OUCH" Xander yelled 

But Spike didn't hear him as he stood there clutching his head. Pain radiating all over his skull and travelling down his spine. This was far worse than any pain he'd ever experienced before. Everyone stood there staring at the former Vampire with shock and confusion. Buffy was abut to go to him when suddenly with a gasp he collapsed on the floor". 

The Scooby Gang got up from their positions immediately but Buffy was the first to reach him. Leaning down to examine him she quickly checked for his pulse. Looking back up at the others with panic in her eyes she said "call an ambulance". 

TBC................................................................................................. 

A/N: I'd thought I'd give you a longer chapter this time. Hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter might be longer who knows? PLEASE REVIEW I love feedback. 

Oh and by the way this story takes place AFTER 'Crush' but in between seasons 5&6 for those of you who were asking. Chapter 6 up soon don't worry the story's far from over! 


	6. Care and Waiting

Title:............and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the show or characters. They are on loan for this fic by Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before it's to late? 

Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after 'Forever'. 

Feedback: please, please, please, I love it! 

Chapter 6 - Care and Waiting

"Spike, Spike can you hear me?" Buffy said leaning over him worry etched in her face. 

"Spike, Spike wake up" she called again. 

Dawn was in tears by now *this is all my fault* she thought. Tara came over to her side to comfort her as Willow rushed off to the phone. "Its okay Dawnie" Tara said rubbing her shoulder. But Dawn just ignored her and continued to stare down at Spike lying motionless on the floor Buffy trying her best to revive him. 

"Spike, Spike can you hear me?" Buffy repeated a bit louder. 

The Scoobies stood around the former Vampire looking down in disbelief. 

"They said the ambulance will be delayed" Willow ran back "there's a pile up near Main Street. They said they would be a least half an hour". 

Buffy looked up in panic as she turned to Giles and asked "Maybe we should run him over to the hospital it has to be quicker than just waiting here.....he could die" she exclaimed. 

"Yes, yes you're right" Giles agreed "I'll just go and drive my car round the front" Giles then let through the back exit heading for his car. 

"Xander" Buffy said looking over at him holding his bleeding nose "Can you help me with Spike?" 

"Sure" he sighed. He wasn't too keen on the former Vampire most times but in this case he'd thought he'd better help out. Buffy obviously cared about him. And he'd thought he'd better get an x-ray on his nose, no telling what kind of damage Spike had done to it. 

"I'll get the door" Willow said as Xander helped Buffy pull the former Vampire off the floor. 

"Dawn you stay with Willow and Tara if we're not back tonight Buffy called over her shoulder to her sister. 

"What? Why?" Dawn replied tearfully "I want to come too. Why is it that whenever something big happens around here you always treat me like a baby. Stay with Willow, stay with Giles...." 

"Dawn............" Buffy tried to cut in. 

"I'm not just gonna stay and wait for you this time. I want to go with you. Spike's my friend if not my best friend and I care about him. So please let me come" Dawn looked into her sisters eyes pleadingly. 

"Fine" Buffy said not in the mood for an argument. 

Dawn smiled slightly and continued to follow Buffy and Xander to Giles car now parked out front of the store. Once Buffy got everyone inside she turned back to the entrance of the shop "I'll call you once I know what's going on" Buffy called to Willow and she nodded in agreement. 

The car then sped way into the distance. 

******* 

Giles car pulled up outside the emergency entrance and screeched to a halt. Buffy and Xander got out of the car immediately to get a gurney while Dawn and Giles stayed with Spike, Dawn holding Spikes hand. Once they brought the gurney to the car using her Slayer strength Buffy managed to lift Spike up onto it. 

Giles drove away to park the car while the trio wheeled Spike through the emergency entrance. 

"HELP" Buffy shouted loudly. 

Just then a male doctor and nurse came running out of the ER doors. They looked down at Spike and started to examine him. 

"How longs he been out?" the doctors asked Buffy 

"Uh.....I'm not sure fifteen minutes maybe" she stuttered "he seemed to be in a lot of pain when he collapsed" she added. 

She watched as the doctor checked his pulse and listened to his breathing "Does he have any allergies?" 

"Not that I know of" she answered truthfully thinking of a time not so long go when he was allergic to the sun. 

"I see" the doctor said "what's his name?" 

"Uh......William.......William..............Brody" Buffy answered saying the first thing that came into her head earning a strange look from both Xander and Dawn. 

"Right lets get him into the ER STAT" the doctor shouted wheeling Spike through the double doors of the emergency room leaving the trio in the reception area to wait. 

So they all sat down and waited. Dawn sat a couple of seats away from both Buffy and Xander but close enough to hear what was being said. She just wanted to be alone and worry about Spike. 

A couple of minutes passed when a stout looking nurse came up to the three of them. 

"Um, excuse me" Buffy looked up at her getting ready to stand "Are you three people that brought Mr Brody in?" 

"Yes" Buffy said eagerly "how is he?is he gonna be OK?" 

"I have no new information on him just yet, other than their taking him for tests at the moment". She sat down next to Buffy "Now, I need some information on him and I need the next of kin to sign these forms". 

Buffy and Xander both looked at each other unsure of what to say. Buffy doubted the truth would be accepted by her and she'd probably throw them in a mental institution. Buffy realised that the nurse was still staring at her and so she said the first thing that came into her head. "Uh.....yeah sure......I can........fill those out" she dragged out. 

"Are you the next of kin?" 

"Uh yeah" Buffy said brightly "I'm his...uh.......wife". 

Xander and Dawn stared in disbelief "WIFE" they both said in unison. 

Buffy glanced over to them. She couldn't believe she'd said it either. 

Just then an out of breath Giles entered the emergency room foyer and took a seat on the other side of Buffy. 

"Would you believe I had to park all the way at the back of the parking lot just because some narrow minded idiot took up two parking spaces with some massive heap of a veacle" he said not noticing the nurse. 

The nurse turned to him and politely said "Ah, are you related to Mrs Brody?" 

"What? who?" Giles turned to her confusion etched across his face. He was about to reply when Buffy cut him off 

"Uh.......this is my uh.....father in law Giles Brody". 

Giles looked to his Slayer even more confused than before. 

"Oh. So your the patients father then?" the nurse asked him 

Again Buffy replied for him "Yes he is but uh.......he's kinda in shock at the moment you can understand". 

"Yes of course" the nurse replied "so anyway if you would just fill these out" she said handing Buffy the paperwork "I'll be back soon to get them from you". 

The nurse stood to leave "Don't worry I'm sure everything will be fine" she said and walked off leaving the four alone. 

Buffy turned to look at her three companions who she found were staring at her in disbelief and confusion. 

"I had to lie" she said "they would have thought we were crazy if I'd told them the truth. It just made sense to say that we were married". 

"And who am I supposed to be?" Giles asked her still very confused. 

"Well I just thought it made sense to........I mean saying your my father in law because it fit in so well." she was silent for a moment "good cover up though wasn't it". 

Her friends just continued to stare at her while she saw Dawn smiling to herself a few chairs away. 

"Um has anyone got a pen or something?" 

"Here" said Giles giving her a black biro. She thanked him and took it then proceeded to fill out the forms in front of her. She had already filled in Spike's personal details, next of kin and such, that was easy she just put her address and information down. The hard part was the insurance information. 

"What shall I put for the insurance details" she asked Giles. 

"Well I'm guessing he doesn't have any" Xander interjected. 

"We'll have to pay" said Giles "I seriously doubt Spike has any money!" 

At that point Dawn had heard enough and jumped to her feet enraged "How can you even think about money at a time like this? Spike could be seriously injured for all you know and all you three are worrying about is how much it's gonna cost!" 

"Dawn.........." Buffy said going over to calm her sister who was in tears. 

"No Buffy I'm not a child" she said pushing her sisters hand away "It's okay to get upset, just because you don't show any human emotion besides hate towards him. Just because I'm the only one who really cares about him and you can't stop me from caring". She looked Buffy straight in the eyes as she said "You don't deserve his love, you probably don't even care if he dies, none of you do" she said and broke down with her head in her hands. 

Buffy watched as Dawn sat on the ground sobbing. She hadn't realised this had been that tough on her. She obviously cared about Spike. *God* she thought *why are my emotions so messed up?*. 

Buffy walked over to her sister and pulled her up to sit on a chair. Buffy then proceeded to put her arm around her and pull her into an embrace all the while whispering comforting words. 

"Dawn, it's not like I don't care about Spike I do it's just......................it's complicated she said sighing. Dawn looked up at her " I don't want Spike to die of course I don't and you're right it's not about the money". 

"Do you think Spike's going to die?" Dawn asked her sister. 

"I hope not Dawn, I hope not". 

They sat like that for about an hour or so waiting. The nurse came and went collecting the insurance forms as she did so. Xander was restless, clutching his bloody nose walking up and down the waiting room while Giles seemed to be asleep. 

"What's good for a broken nose?" he asked Buffy quietly. 

"Baseball bat, knuckle duster......" Giles interjected making everyone jump. 

"God Giles" Xander exclaimed startled "I thought you were asleep". 

"How can anyone bloody sleep when the sound of your bloody pacing is louder than a stampede" he said his accent thickening. 

Buffy laughed a little at Giles's comment and Xander reluctantly sat back down. That's when the emergency doors opened and the doctor walked out dressed in scrubs. 

Buffy almost didn't recognise him as he came up to her and said "Mrs Brody?" 

Buffy stood up and faced the doctor "I have some news about your husband...................." 

TBC.............. 

A/N: Ooh cliff-hanger. Hope you all can wait for the next chapter. Don't worry I'll have it out soon! Thanks for all the reviews sent so far PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING. THANKS! 


	7. Results and Realisations (again)

Title:.............and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy! 

Summary: Spike has turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before it's too late? 

Authors notes: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died. 

Feedback: That would be excellent. I'd love it. 

Chapter seven - Results and Realisations (again)

Buffy stared at the doctor for a moment, worry clearly etched across her face. The doctor then guided her over to a corner of the room. 

"As you probably know from what the nurse has already told you we have conducted a number of tests on your husband including some x-rays and a cats scan" he paused for a moment looking at Buffy who was gazing intently at the doctor. "We found..uh..something that we couldn't identify lodged in the middle of his parietal lobe. That's the..uh top of the brain" 

Buffy had the grace to look surprised. 

"Whatever it is is too deeply embedded to be removed. Any attempt to remove it will be a great risk to the patient and also I seriously doubt this hospital has a surgeon qualified to perform such a task" the doctor waited for Buffy to ask the questions that were sure to come. 

"What do you mean by risk?" Buffy asked 

"Well with every operation there is risk involved but if we were going to operate if something should go wrong he could run the risk of losing his sensory perception". 

"How is he at the moment?" 

"He's conscious. He came around when we were conducting some routine blood tests. He's a bit confused though but it's understandable with what he's been through. We still of course haven't determined whether or not the unidentified object caused his blackout and until we do we'd like to keep him, run a few more tests". 

"I understand" she said quietly feeling awful for the way she'd treated him "Whatever Spi....I mean William has could it be serious?" 

"It could be, we don't know for sure, that's why we need to conduct these tests" the doctor noticed Buffy's worried expression "Of course it could be anything or maybe nothing at all?" he concluded. 

*Or even a chip* Buffy thought "Can we see him?" 

"Yes but try not to stay too long, he needs his rest" he replied "I'll get one of the nurses to take you to him". 

"Thank you doctor" Buffy walk back to her friends noticing Xander wasn't there. 

"Where did Xander go?" she asked Giles 

"He was getting restless and his nose started bleeding again so he went with one of the nurses to have it taken care of" Giles replied as Dawn stood up and walked over to Buffy. 

"How's Spike" they both asked in unison. 

Buffy sighed and looked up at them, Giles stood up and walked over to Buffy and Dawn to comfort them both if it turned out to be bad news. 

Dawn was staring at Buffy intently. Buffy sighed again and said "He's fine at the moment, he's awake......" 

Dawn began to smile "But........." Dawns smile faded when she heard this and Buffy looked up at Giles for some support "They found something" she said quietly. 

Dawn was looking more worried by the minute. 

"What? what did they find?" she asked her sister and shaking her slightly 

"They found an unidentified object embedded at the top of his brain. I think they call it the parietal lobe" Buffy looked her sister in the face "They don't know what their dealing with so their going to keep him in for more tests". 

"He can't have anything serious though right?" Dawn asked them "he only became human like.....this morning!" 

Buffy looked at Dawn, worried she wasn't just rationalising her fears. 

"I know Dawn I thought about that too but the doctor said it could be anything!" 

"Anything like...........a chip!" said Giles who had been silent up until now. 

"You know, that's what I thought" said Buffy "we need to get in touch with the Initiative. Whatever's causing this............I mean if it is the chip it could do Spike some serious damage". Dawn was surprised to see her sister so worried. 

Just then a nurse approached the small group. "Excuse me" she said, Buffy turned to look at her. She was in her mid forties and dressed in pink scrubs "Are you Mr Brody's family?" 

"Yes, yes we are" replied Buffy "I'm his wife". *Gosh I'm saying that a lot tonight* she thought. She didn't know why but saying it felt right to her somehow. Of course she wouldn't admit that to anyone least of all Spike. She quickly returned her concentration back to the nurse standing in front of her, unaware that Giles had already introduced himself reluctantly as Spike's father and Dawn as a sister. 

"Oh good" said the nurse "If you'll follow me" she led them down a wide corridor lined with pale peach walls. Buffy saw a sign ahead of them 'OBSERVATION WARD'. The smell of antiseptic was everywhere, it brought back some unpleasant memories for Buffy of her mothers illness, hospitalisation and untimely death. The nurse showed them into a side room with pale lime green walls that to Buffy looked more like pea soup. Spike was in the middle of the room hooked up to a heart monitor. There were metal tables lining the right side of the room with various disturbing looking pieces of equipment to which Buffy rather not know the use of. Dawns face lit up the minute she saw Spike. 

"Try not to stay too long, the patient needs his rest" the nurse then lest the three alone and immediately Dawn ran over to Spike to hug him. 

"Oh Spike I was so worried, this is all my fault if you hadn't........if I hadn't......." Dawn suddenly stopped realising Buffy and Giles were in the room. 

Spike leant down and whispered in her ear "It's okay Nibblet" 

"It's no ones fault" Spike then said louder so Buffy and Giles could hear this time. Dawn hugged Spike again thinking he looked kinda tired and pale "It's no ones fault" he repeated again quietly. 

Just then Xander walk in the room a support bandage covering his nose and a sour expression on the rest of his face. Everyone tried hard not to laugh at the situation that is everyone except Spike who let out a big HA HA HA followed by a few HE HE HE's. 

Xander glared at Spike who continued to smirk and carry on laughing silently "This is all your fault Dead boy" 

"Oh and how's that?" Spike asked coolly 

"You don't think before you do anything you just jump right in". 

"Well what can I say? It's what makes me who I am" Dawn smiled and he pulled her closer looking up at Buffy and Giles. 

Everyone was quiet for a moment "So Spike" the Watcher asked "How do you feel?" 

"Well Ripper" Giles grimaced at the mention of his former nickname "Or shall I say Dad...." 

Now Giles looked even more uncomfortable "Yes..well er.........." 

"Don't worry Rupe, I understand you had to make up something, can't have people asking questions and all that". 

"Yes...well...." Giles stuttered 

"Actually" Dawn cut in "It was Buffy" Buffy turned to look at her sister slightly embarrassed "She told the nurse you two were married......" 

"Dawn" Buffy nearly shouted trying to get her sister to be quiet. Spike noticed Buffy's face becoming more flushed by the minute. 

"So........" Buffy started trying to change the subject but failing and trailing off. She was nearly bright red now. Realising people were staring at her she turned away. 

It was then that the nurse came back into the room "Oh, I'm sorry but I'm afraid you'll have to leave now. Mr Brody here needs his rest. You can come back tomorrow morning and stay a bit longer". 

"Thank God" said Xander "can't wait to get out of this Hell Hole" 

"Hey!" Spike said "I have to stay here you know" he sighed and laid back on the pillow behind him "can't believe my first night of being human again and I get to spend it in a hospital". 

"Hey it could have been worse" replied Buffy 

"How?" Everyone asked 

"You could be spending it alone in your Crypt" 

"Or with you in your house" he said looking at Buffy. But she remained silent. 

"Hey Buffy can I come and see Spike in the morning?" Dawn asked 

"Dawn you know you have School in the morning!" 

"Yeah, but I'd thought I could skip and have a long weekend" she looked at her sister hopeful. 

"Dawn do you want social services to come and take you away? You know you can't just stay off school for no reason" 

"But Spike.........." 

"Will be here tomorrow night for you to visit" she concluded 

Dawn looked disappointed and turned to Spike "You better do what Big Sis say's Nibblet" 

"OK Spike, see you tomorrow night" Dawn reluctantly agreed. 

"You bet" he gave her an goodbye hug. 

"Goodnight Spike" Giles said turning to leave with Xander and Dawn in front of him. 

"Goodnight Dad" Giles just sighed and walked out the door. 

As Buffy turned to leave with them she heard Spike call her back "Hey Luv wait a minute!" 

Buffy turned and walked toward his bed. He motioned for her to sit down on the side of it to which she reluctantly did so. 

"What's up?" She asked 

"I just want to thank you Luv" he said taking her hand in his. 

"What for?" she asked feeling his warm skin on hers. 

"Well.......for everything and anything, just you visiting me is a dream come true" he then brought his hand up to touch her cheek surprisingly to him she didn't try to pull away. 

"Spike it's............" she trailed off completely mesmerised by his eyes. She could feel her face heat up again. Both pairs of eyes were locked on each other about to move in for the kill when suddenly............ 

"huh hem......." 

Buffy and Spike both turned away from each other to see the nurse standing in the doorway. Buffy thought her face couldn't turn any more shades of red, she was wrong. 

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to go now Mrs Brody your husband needs his rest!" 

"Yes of course" Buffy replied getting of the bed and walking to the door. 

"Don't you want to say good night to your husband?" the nurse asked Buffy. She turned around and saw Spike look up and smile obviously amused. 

"of..of course" she stuttered and walked back to the bed. 

The couple stared at each other for a moment until Buffy made the first move and leaned down to peck his cheek with her lips. "Goodnight Darling" she said so the nurse would hear "see you tomorrow" she tried to pull back but Spike wasn't having any of that as he grabbed her arms and pulled her in for a kiss on the mouth. She squeaked slightly when he pulled her down and let her go after a couple of seconds. She got up and stared at his amused expression. 

Totally freaking she broke his gaze and ran out of the door past the nurse who just stared at Spike confusedly. 

******* 

Once outside Buffy paused and touched her lips which were tingling slightly. *What just happened here?* she thought. She then proceeded to shrug the feeling she was getting off and walk back to Giles's car. 

TBC.................................................... 

A/N: Phew, finally got that chapter finished now I can get on with the interesting bit of the story! Don't forget to keep reviewing PLEASE. Chapter 8 will be up soon, I promise! 


	8. Home

Title:..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters and all here are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has been turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before the end? 

Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died. 

Feedback: That would be excellent I'd love it! 

Chapter eight - Home

Spike arose slowly from what seemed to be one of the worst nights sleep of his entire existence. For a moment he forgot where he was, then slowly the memory of collapsing in pain in the Magic Box came back to him as well as a very pleasant memory of kissing Buffy. *Even if it was just one sided* he thought. 

His eyes began to focus on the things around him. Pale green walls, large window, sunshine.................................. 

*Sunshine* he thought . Something he took for granted back in his mortal days and something he'd missed when he was a Vampire. Now he was mortal again he'd decided he was going to live each day to its fullest for the rest of his life. 

*Starting with Buffy* he thought *How do I make her love me?* 

His thoughts were broken by a loud knocking at the door. He waited for it to open. When it didn't he shouted a "come in" to whoever was behind it. 

The door slowly creaked open like a scene from one of those old horror movies. Spike was surprised to see a smiling Buffy. 

"Can I come in?" she asked 

"Sure ducks" Spike said surprised at her politeness 

She walked in and sat down on the side of the bed like the previous night. They sat like that for a moment, neither one of them knowing what to say. Spike just stared at Buffy, he couldn't help it he loved her. He watched the sunshine play with her hair colour. *God she looks so beautiful in the sunlight*. 

"So" They both exclaimed at the same time, both were a little embarrassed and shy. 

"So" continued Buffy "When they letting you out of here?" 

"Didn't they tell you Mrs Brody?" 

Buffy stared at Spike's amused expression. *He's never gonna forget that* she thought. 

"They didn't say any specific time" she replied curtly. *God, he can be so arrogant sometimes*. 

"They didn't say any specific time" She replied 

"Maybe they'll let me out tomorrow, who knows?" 

"Well they did say a few days" 

They carried on talking politely for about ten minutes or so when a thought suddenly occurred to Buffy *I wonder if they told him anything about his 'condition'?*. She'd laid awake nearly all night worrying about it. She didn't know why but somehow over the time they'd shared together they'd grown closer. 

"Spike" Buffy began "I think I know what's wrong with you" *there* she thought she'd just come right out and said it. 

"And what's that Pet?" 

"The chip.........it showed up on the cats scan" she looked up at Spike looking for some sort of reaction "the doctors they can't identify it, they probably believe it's a tumour or something". 

"So what now?" Spike asked somewhat calmly for her liking 

"Giles thinks we should try an get in touch with the Initiative, wherever they are and get some answers!" 

"Right" he sighed loudly " So where are they?" as he waited for answer Buffy stood up off the bed and walked to the window. She wasn't so sure she could tell him something like this face to face. "That's the problem" she said "I have no idea" 

"The last I heard from Riley, he was in Brazil he could have moved anywhere by now!" 

Spike flinched at the mention of 'Captain Cardboard's' name and leaned back on his pillow his hands above his head. 

"You tried your best Luv" he sighed again. Buffy turned to look at him. 

"No Spike, no I didn't" she went silent again "We'll find the Initiative don't worry, just.........................rest". Spike was surprised at the sudden confidence in her voice it kinda made him feel more confident knowing that she would at least try to help him. If he couldn't have her love at least her friendship was good enough *for now* he thought. 

They were silent again for a few minutes until Buffy said "I've been thinking.......well......Giles thinks.....I mean............" she trailed off stuttering. 

"Buffy just spit it out" Spike said gently 

"When you get out of here..............I think you should you should come and stay with me and Dawn". There she's said it "it's a lot safer and warmer than the Crypt". She looked up at Spike's face waiting for some sort of reaction. 

"OK" he said 

"OK?" she asked curiously thinking he'd refuse the offer. Or was she hoping it? 

"Well.......fine then I'll get Xander or Giles to collect your belongings from your Crypt" 

"I don't want that Whelp any of my stuff, he could steal it. I've got valuable stuff in there you know" 

"Spike" Buffy said amused "you don't have anything valuable and I seriously doubt Xander would want anything of yours anyway!" 

"Hey!, I have a T.V you know!" 

"You don't need it. We have a T.V, and it's probably a better model" 

"Fine" he relented "I guess there's a lot of stuff I do and don't need now" 

"Don't worry, your get used to things" reassuring him and smiling. 

They sat like that for the rest of the visit. That is until that bossy came back in telling her that "William needs his rest" so she reluctantly travelled back home to get ready for Spikes homecoming. 

******* 

"Buffy where'd you want these?" 

Buffy around to see Xander holding a couple of rather heavy boxes of Spike's belongings "Oh...uh..you can take them up to my Mom's room". 

"Your Mom's?" Xander asked "Why are you giving Spike the biggest bedroom?" 

"Because I can't very well let him sleep on the couch, he's recovering from a concussion and besides he needs a place to put his things". 

"He's the one who caused his concussion and as for his belongings half the stuff in these boxes he probably stole........................" 

"Xander" Buffy looked at him sternly not wanting an argument. Xander sighed and proceeded to carry the boxes upstairs. You see today was Spike's homecoming. After spending three days in Sunnydale General he was coming home to his new house. 

Giles and Dawn were picking him up now, Buffy was in charge of the decorations and Xander had the unfortunate job of picking up Spike's belongings and transferring them to Buffy's house. 

As Xander descended the staircase he noticed Buffy hanging a 'WELCOME HOME SPIKE' sign in the hallway. He came up to stand behind her looking at the banner. Buffy turned to look at him, slightly uncomfortable under his gaze. 

"It's Dawns idea" she said referring to the banner. Xander nodded. 

"Looks good" Xander commented 

"Yeah" she paused "so...........how's your nose?" Buffy stared at the large white bandage over Xander's nose. 

"Sore" he replied 

"Aw what a shame" a voice replied behind them. They turned around and saw the source of the familiar voice standing in the open doorway. 

"Spike" Xander replied "I was kinda hoping they'd keep you in for a couple of weeks" 

"Oh come on now Monkey Boy you know Sunny Hell wouldn't be the same without me" 

"It did all right before you arrived" 

"OK boys" Buffy said moving to stand between them "break it up" 

Spike shot Xander one last smirk then looked up at the sign above him. "Aw you didn't have to do that Luv" turning to Buffy 

"Don't worry, I didn't" she said "Dawn did" 

Spike looked down to the fifteen year old attached to his right arm. "Do you like it?" she asked hopefully 

"Love it Nibblet" Dawn smiled up at him "Come on I've made a cake too, it's in the fridge" she said 

"This must be my lucky day" he said with another smirk at Xander "New home, clothes, taste buds" he threw Xander his overnight bag "Here Monkey Boy make yourself useful and take this to my room while I get a piece of cake. If your good you can have some too" 

Xander just continued to glare at Spike dumping his bag on the floor. 

Walking into the kitchen the sweet smell of Dawns cooking hit his senses like a freight train. *I'm Home* he thought. 

TBC........................................... 

A/N: OK I know this was a sort of weird chapter but trust me it WILL get better. Next chapter up soon. PLEASE REVIEW. PLEASE. Thank you. 


	9. Worries

Title:..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters and all here are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has been turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before the end? 

Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died. 

Feedback: That would be excellent I'd love it! 

Chapter Nine - Worries 

Spike looked at the clock beside his bed 3:37am. He'd been awake all day and he still couldn't get to sleep. He had a tight sort of feeling in his chest and that headache was threatening to come back. Not wanting to bother Buffy or the Lil'Bit he quietly got out of bed and made his way toward the bathroom. 

Once inside he opened the cabinet over the sink and began searching for some painkillers. 

"Nothing" he sighed. He was about to close the cabinet when he noticed a prescription bottle hiding at the back. Taking it he closed the cabinet and made his way downstairs. 

Walking into the kitchen he stopped at the refrigerator, needing something to combat the heat he was feeling he pulled out a can of soda. He was just about to open the can when he looked up and saw Dawn standing in the doorway. 

"Nibblet you scared me" 

"Sorry Spike" she said coming further into the kitchen and sitting down on a stool. 

"What you doing up so late?" he asked opening the can and getting two glasses from the cupboard. Filling up both glasses from the cola can he came back to kitchen counter and gave one Dawn. 

"Thanks" she said taking the coke from his hand "I couldn't sleep, how bout you?" 

"Nah Lil'Bit I've been awake for hours wondering what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. It's weird, I've never really thought about dying or anything maybe it's because I was immortal I don't know". 

"Hey if you want a job you could always ask Xander. You never know there might be a job going at the construction site". 

"Me? Work with that Whelp? All day? thanks but no thanks!" 

They were silent for a few minutes drinking their coke and thinking. Suddenly Dawn spoke up "Hey" Spike looked up at her "I know where you can get a job". 

"Where?" Spike asked her unsure. 

"It's well paying, paid holidays, good environment, friendly staff...................." 

"Where?" 

"....and I'm well in with the manager". 

"Where Nibblet?" Dawn paused for a moment and looked up at Spike smiling broadly. 

"The Magic Box" 

"The Magic Box?" Spike repeated 

"Yeah" said Dawn somewhat over enthusiastically. 

"Nah I don't think so Nibblet" 

"Why not?, Giles....he's a great guy, he'll understand. 

"Yeah but I'm not exactly his favourite person. I 'm not exactly anybody's favourite person!" 

"Your my favourite person" she replied very quietly. He smiled at her "Oh come on Spike Giles does like you and who knows if you work there he can get to know you a lot better". 

Spike looked doubtful "I don't know Nibblet". 

"Spike" she said defiantly "I know I can get him to give you a job you don't even have to ask" she waited for an answer for a few seconds. 

"Oh come on please? I just want to do something nice to say thank you and also sorry.................about the Ghorac egg thing". 

"Don't be sorry Pet, it wasn't anybody's fault I got bitten" They stayed silent again for a few more seconds "All right Lil'Bit, I'll see". 

A smile appeared on Dawns face as she went over to hug Spike "I'll talk to Giles tomorrow, you'll see, don't worry". She gave Spike one last hug before moving to the door "I'll see you in the morning" she called out. 

"You bet" and with that Dawn raced off back upstairs leaving Spike sitting at the kitchen counter. 

Carefully depositing Dawns glass in the sink he took his empty one and proceeded to fill it with cold water. Taking the pill bottle from his pocket and began to examine the label. 'CO-DYDRAMOL TABLETS take two tablets every four to six hours when required for pain relief'. 

Emptying the pill bottles contents into his hand he proceeded to take two tablets washing them down with the glass of water. Actually he hadn't been feeling well ever since he'd got home not that he'd tell anyone. He didn't want to worry Dawn or Buffy and he certainly new the Whelp wouldn't be worried. 

Taking the bottle he headed back upstairs. There to lie on his bed and hopefully catch a few hours sleep. 

******* 

When Dawn awoke for School that morning she could distinctly smell the burning odour of another of Buffy's failed attempts at cooking. *God, I wonder what she's ruined this time?* she thought as she made her way to the bathroom. 

After having washed and changed Dawn made her way downstairs. Following the smell of burnt food she made her way to the kitchen. 

"God, what's that awful smell? What are you cooking? Rubber?" Buffy turned to look at her sister who just entered the kitchen. 

"It's supposed to be pancakes, sausage and eggs. It's supposed to be................" she trailing off and looking down at the near charcoal remains of breakfast. 

"Yeah well I think I'll stick to cereal, thanks anyway" Dawn sat down on a kitchen stool as Buffy tipped the remains or shall I say ashes of what would have been breakfast into the waste disposal unit. 

"What do we have?" Handing Dawn a cereal box Buffy turned her attention back to the frying pan. 

"Lucky Charms" Dawn moaned "What else do we have?" 

"Nothing! The only other thing we had to eat was the meal I cooked and that's in the garbage!" 

Dawn sighed "Well.......anythings better than your cooking" she said opening the packet and pouring some in a bowl. 

"Excuse me?" Buffy turned around from the sink to face her sister. 

"God, I don't know why whenever mom was out of town she didn't just leave food and water for me in a dish". 

Buffy stared at her sister pen mouthed, obviously offended by her comments "Dawn I try the best I can you know". 

Dawn looked up at her sister "I know Buffy but.........that's the problem you do try the best you can. You're not mom...and your never going to be" she said sadly. 

Buffy was kind of hurt by what her sister just said. Coming to sit beside her she put her arm round hr shoulder "Dawn........I know I'm never going to be able to replace mom in your life and I'm not trying to" she paused for a second "I'm just trying to do the best I can, like I know you are. But I'm responsible for you now........" 

They both were silent for a moment before Dawn spoke up "It's difficult huh?" 

"More than I'd ever imagined" Buffy said "I think maybe it's a god thing I'll never have children of my own" she said with a sigh "One's enough". 

"Hey!" Dawn replied " I'm not a child". 

"Sorry, sorry" Buffy said holding up her hands in a surrender "young adult" 

"That's better" Dawn smiled "And who knows maybe if the right guy comes along you might just end up with a couple of kids after all!". 

Dawns smile broadened at the thought of little miniature Buffy and Spikes running around the house. Reluctantly pulling out of her daydream she noticed that her sister was staring at her. "What you smiling about?" 

"Oh.........nothing" Dawn replied secretly hoping that one day her fantasy would come true and she'd get to see the real thing. "Got milk?" she asked changing the subject. 

"Sure" Buffy replied handing her the carton of milk from the counter. Looking up at the clock Buffy saw it was 7:45am. Turning back to Dawn she asked "did you see Spike this morning?" 

"No I don't think he's up yet" she replied eating a spoonful of cereal "He didn't sleep too well last night". 

"How do you know?" 

"Well..............I kind of heard someone walking around on the landing last night and well............I kind of went to investigate........" 

"You went to investigate?" she repeated "Dawn that was kind of dangerous, it could have been anybody!" 

"But it was Spike". Buffy sighed. It was obvious she was never gonna win this argument. 

"What was he doing?" she asked curious. 

"I don't know" she lied "I guess he wanted a drink". 

"And you joined him I see" Buffy said noticing the two empty glasses in the sink. 

"Yeah. He wanted to talk I guess. It was only for a few minutes". 

"Whatever" Buffy sighed moving to put the milk back in the fridge "Just go see if he's awake, if he isn't he's gonna miss breakfast" 

"Not your breakfast" she said under her breath heading for the stairs. 

"I heard that" Buffy said over her shoulder. 

******* 

Racing upstairs Dawn arrived at Spike's door. Knocking loudly and calling out "Spike, are you awake?" she open the door a crack. 

"Spike?" she called out again a bit louder. 

Taking it upon herself to enter she looked around the room for a clue of Spike's whereabouts. Noticing a pill bottle on the bed she picked it. It was empty. 

She stood there for a moment looking down at the bottle and thinking * Did Spike take all of these? where is he?* 

Storing the bottle in her pocket she ran back downstairs to Buffy................. 

TBC............................................... 

A/N: Sorry if this chapters a little weird I've been ill lately. Next chapter will be up soon though. I promise. Please please review. Thanks! 


	10. News

Title:..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters and all here are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has been turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before the end? 

Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died. 

Feedback: That would be excellent I'd love it! 

Chapter Ten - News

Buffy turned round as she heard the sound of her sisters footsteps racing down the stairs. 

"BUFFY, BUFFY" Dawn shouted running into the kitchen. 

"What? What's wrong?" Dawn stood there for a moment catching her breath "Dawn what's happened?" she asked worriedly. 

"Spike.........." Dawn stuttered "He's..........gone". 

"Gone? Gone where?" 

"Buffy..think if I knew that I wouldn't be so worried! Here.........he left this behind...it was on his bed" Buffy took the empty pill bottle from her sister. Turning it over in her hands she read the label. 

"Did Spike take all of these?" 

"I don't know. I he did he must of been in some serious pain". 

"Serious pain, Dawn he could be dead! How many tablets do you suppose were in here?" 

"Um.....I don't know but there couldn't have been more than six or eight.....maybe". 

Buffy moved past Dawn to the phone. Dialling a familiar number she waited for an answer. 

"Who are you calling?" Dawn asked 

"Giles" 

"Hello, Magic Box how can I help you?" A voice on the end of the line answered. 

"Hello Giles?" It's Buffy we've got a problem. Is Spike there?" 

"No of course not Buffy it's only eight o clock we haven't opened yet. 

"Then we've got a problem" she said again. 

"Why Buffy? what's happened?" 

"Spike.......he's missing, we think he took some pills but we're not sure how many!" 

"My goodness" the British voice replied "I'll come over right away" 

"No Giles, I'll come to you, I can look around for him as I'm driving". 

"All right well.....if your sure". 

"I'm sure". 

"Very well then, I'll see you soon" 

"See ya" Buffy hung up the phone and turned back to Dawn. "Get your school bag I'll drop you off" Buffy said moving over to grab her keys off the counter. 

"What? but I want to go with you" she protested. 

"Dawn, no you have school". 

"But......this isn't fair" Dawn was becoming frustrated "I want to search for Spike" Buffy stared at her sisters pleading face. Sighing she finally gave in. She wasn't in the mood for an argument anyway. "Fine, get your coat. And this is just for today remember" Dawn nodded in agreement reaching for her coat. 

"I'll meet you in the car" Buffy said turning and walking outside. 

******* 

"Anya" Giles called as he made his way to the ground floor of the Magic Box. "Anya" he called again looking around the store "the girl must be in the stockroom". Sighing quietly he removed his glasses once again to be cleaned. He was just about to put them back on when he heard the distinct sound of the shop bell. 

"I'm sorry were..................SPIKE!" he shouted getting a good look at the person who just entered. 

"Watcher" Spike replied walking over to sit down. 

"What are you doing here? where have you been? why aren't you at Buffy's?" 

"Woe, woe, woe Watcher" Spike said holding up his hands in mock surrender "what's with all the questions?" 

"Buffy and Dawn have been worried sick!" 

"Buffy? she was worried about me?" he said a grin crossing his features. 

"This is serious Spike!" Giles said a stern look coming over his face "how many pills did you take?" 

Spike sighed realising what must have happened "only four" 

"Four?" 

"Yeah four. There was only four in the bottle. You wouldn't happen to have any painkillers here would you?" Spike looked up at the Watcher. 

"I'll go and check" Giles said moving over behind the counter to search through the drawers. "Ah here we are" he said pulling out a whit pill bottle "I'm afraid they're only aspirin". 

Spike sighed and stared down at the floor holding his head in his hands "that's fine watcher, doubt they will do anything though". 

"Tell me Spike" Giles continued coming over with a glass of water and two pills "do you get these headaches often?" 

"Well besides when I hit people. The ones recently are different". 

"Different? in what way?" 

"More..........intense and frequent it's just a continuos ache, like a throbbing" 

"Mmm interesting, and when did this originate?" 

Spike sighed again "I don't know Watcher just give me the damn pills" No sooner than Giles handed Spike the water and pills than they were gone. swallowed. "Thanks" spike looked up at the Watcher again "how long before these start to work?" 

"Shouldn't be too long" Giles commented walking back to the counter. 

They both looked up as the bell above the door rang again and in ran a worried looking Buffy and Dawn. 

"SPIKE" both girls exclaimed running over. 

"Where the hell have you been? Are you okay? What happened?" a barrage of questions came all at once. 

"Well, what do you want me to answer first?" 

"Where were you?" Buffy asked sternly. 

"I couldn't sleep so I got up early, came down and this sodding headache started up again" clutching his head he continued "so I went out to find a Pharmacy, only to find they weren't open yet! I was tempted to break in but...................." 

"What about the pills?" Dawn asked leaning forward to give Spike a hug. 

"Hey Nibblet you don't think I'm that stupid do you?" Dawn shook her head "Nah course not, now give me another hug". 

Buffy took that opportunity to move over to Giles for a quiet talk. He lead her over to the corner of the room. 

"I think we need to get in touch with the initiative as soon as possible. I had a little talk with Spike before you arrived" Giles paused "It seems the headaches have been getting these headaches frequently". 

"Well I might have some news then" she said taking a piece of paper out of her pocket "I found a recent postcard from Riley it was on my fridge. I don't know I must have forgotten all about it with all the recent events. It has a number on it. It's a long shot but it's the only shot we have at the moment" Buffy looked over to where Dawn and Spike where talking "I wonder why he never told me about the headaches" she said more to herself than to Giles. 

"I don't know Buffy maybe he didn't want to worry you, I wouldn't" 

"Yeah maybe" Buffy said giving Giles a smile and turning to the phone. 

******* 

At least three weeks had passed by since the little incident with Spike. Although Spike was still receiving the headaches they weren't as bad thanks to some strong painkillers Buffy had picked up at the chemist. 

And although Buffy had eventually managed to reach the Initiative they had yet to answer any of the messages she had left. 

That night the whole gang including Giles were round at Buffy's house watching a movie, well when I say watching I mean arguing over a movie. 

"And I say we should watch 'the mummy'" Xander commented from his place on the end of the sofa. 

"Why Monkey Boy so you can see your ex girlfriend one more time?" 

"Hey! How do you know about that?" Xander asked looking at Buffy "How does he know about that?" Buffy just shrugged her shoulders while the rest of the group tried to hide their smirking. 

"I have my sources" Spike said leaning back on his chair looking at Dawn. 

"How about we watch 'Armageddon'?" Dawn asked turning to her sister. 

"No thanks Dawnie I've seen that one already, about three or four times if you know what I mean!" Dawn just rolled her eyes and slouched back onto the floor leaning up on her elbows. 

"I've always preferred 'Dead Poets Society'" Giles commented form his place on the other side of the couch. A barrage of groans were coming form all around the room. 

"Are you kidding Watcher? We don't want to watch some pansy assed film like that. We might as well watch the 'Bridges of Madison County'". 

"Hey I like that film" Willow said from her place on the carpet with Tara and Anya. 

"I rest my case" he said "We're all gonna watch 'Bad Boys'!" winking at Dawn. 

"Ooh Will Smith" Dawn said getting up off the floor and moving over to Spike. "Can we watch that Buffy? please?" she begged. 

"Dawn, your not old enough to watch that!" 

"Oh come on Buffy I've seen 'Silence of the Lambs' for crying out loud" 

"You have? When?" 

"Well....I......................" Dawn was just about to answer when there was a loud knocking at the door. 

"I'll get it" Willow said preparing to stand. 

"No Will it's all right, you stay. Put in the video." Buffy said getting up and turning to Dawn "I'm not done with you young lady!" Dawn just rolled her eyes again. 

As Buffy opened the front door she got the shock of her life. 

"Good evening ma'am" A stern southern looking soldier said "May I come in?" He took of his hat. Buffy saw enough movies and crime shows to know what that meant. 

She cleared her throat "Why?" She asked 

"Please ma'am" Buffy moved aside to let him enter. 

"My name is sergeant Paul Lockely, I work with.....that is to say I used to work with......." He stuttered "I'm work in the government organisation you know as the Initiative..........." 

"So? why are you here?" Buffy asked "Where's Riley?" 

"Agent Finn...." Buffy nodded ".......is dead". 

TBC....................................................... 

A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. See I told you it will get more interesting! Don't worry I'm gonna continue soon! PLEASE REVIEW. Thanks. 


	11. A Promise

Title:..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters and all here are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has been turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before the end? 

Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died. 

Feedback: That would be excellent I'd love it! 

Chapter eleven

"Dead?" Buffy repeated "how? why? when?" she stuttered. 

"We were on a routine field mission in Guatemala. Riley somehow got separated from his group. A couple of Fyarl Demons saw their chance and..................he put up quite a fight I'm sure". 

Buffy nodded looking down at the floor trying her best to feel sad but all she felt was.......empty. She looked up and watched as the sergeant pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. 

"He wrote something in the infirmary before he died of his injuries. He wanted you to have it" handing Buffy the piece of paper he gave her a salute and headed back out the door. Turning he said "if you ever need anything you can contact us at this address" handing Buffy the small piece of card he left closing the door behind him. 

Turning the piece of paper over in her hands Buffy struggled to gain the courage to open it. Taking a seat on the stairs she carefully unfolded the tattered remains. 

Dear Buffy 

If you have received this letter you know I am either dead or dying. I am so sorry if I have caused you any pain. I have constantly regretted leaving I am so sorry I cannot see you face. 

I go now my darling to love you from heaven or hell if that is the case. Don't give yourself any blame but live your life completely without any shadow of regret and I will be there watching. 

I love you always my sweet crusader. 

Love Riley Finn 

As Buffy closed the note a single tear slipped down her cheek. Getting up off the cold wooden steps pocketing both papers she quietly made her way back into the living room to face the rest of the Scoobies. 

Spike looked up as Buffy entered. Seeing her frown he immediately started to get worried. "What's up Luv?" 

"Huh?.......oh..nothing" 

"Who was that at the door?" Dawn asked getting up from her place on the carpet. 

"Oh....uh someone from the Initiative" Buffy continued to stare at the floor as if it could give her some answers. 

"What? Riley's here?" Xander asked "Well, where is he?" 

"No not Riley. He's........dead" Giles immediately started to rise to walking over to Buffy alone with Willow and Xander. 

"Dead?" Xander asked again. Buffy nodded silently. "How?" 

"A group of Fyarl Demons or something. They........." Buffy sighed finding it unbearable to continue. Xander put his arms around her while Dawn sat back down quietly staring at her shoes. She had had mixed feelings for Riley but she had to admit she'd never wanted anything like that to happen to him. 

"Well, I can't say I'm sorry" Spike spoke up "having never liked the soldier boy in the first place" 

"Shut up dead boy" 

"I told you not to call me that monkey boy. Unless you want another broken nose" 

"Just go ahead and try you impotent bleached..............." 

"Oh stop it both of you" Buffy cut in turning towards Xander and Spike suddenly bursting into tears, running upstairs. 

"I'll go to her" Willow said giving Xander and Spike disapproving glances. 

"Now look what you did" Spike glared at Xander 

"Me?" 

"Yeah!" 

"Your the one who started it off. Badmouthing Riley!" 

"What? I only told the truth" 

"Probably for the first time in your life" 

"OK boys pack it in! Buffy needs your support right now not incessant arguing" 

"Watchers right" Spike said moving over to sit down on the couch "we shouldn't be fighting it's not fair on Buffy" 

"Fine, lets just call it a truce.........FOR HER!" 

"FINE!" Spike said shutting up. All the while Giles giving them looks and thinking *I'm glad that's over* not to mention wiping his brow with his handkerchief from his pocket. 

******* 

Meanwhile upstairs: 

Willow and Buffy are sitting on the bed in Buffy's room. Buffy has her head in her hands. 

"Its okay Buffy, your allowed to feel sad" 

"But that's just it Will. I don't! I feel kind of .........relieved. Is that selfish or what?" Buffy looked up at her best friend a painful smile on her face. 

"Buffy................" 

"I mean I should be able to feel something shouldn't I?" 

"What do you feel?" 

I don't know..........regret? Loss? I feel sorry for Riley but I don't feel.............." 

"Love?" Buffy nodded 

"That died some time ago" she added sadly. 

"I guess I'm angry. Angry because...................I'm in love with someone else" 

"Who?" Willow asked not that she needed to know. She already had a pretty good idea who it was. 

Buffy looked down once more "Spike" she said quietly "I'm in love with Spike. I've been fighting it for some time now I guess...but when he kissed me......that was when I knew..........." Buffy broke down crying again. 

"Hey, Buffy it's okay. It's okay if you love Spike" Willow pulled Buffy in for a hug. 

"I so scared Will" she said sobbing into Willows shoulder. "What if I tell him..and he leaves me? What if I don't? I don't think I can handle any more rejection. I just can't". 

"Shhhhh, it's okay" Willow whispered "Buffy, whatever you decide. It will be okay with me. Don't worry about what the rest of us think worry about yourself. You should do what makes you happy and...if that's with Spike.....I'd say go for it" 

"You mean that Will?" Willow nodded "Thanks" Buffy said drying her tears and hugging her best friend one more time. 

"I'm gonna go down, check on the others. Want anything? Need me to stay?" 

Buffy shook her head "No thanks Will I think I'll just stay up here a few more minutes" 

"If your sure" Willow said getting up off the bed "See you downstairs" 

As Willow opened the bedroom door and stepped out onto the landing she was surprised to be greeted by a mischievous looking Spike. Trying his best to look innocent as possible he stepped aside for Willow to pass. 

"I just came up to...see if you wanted anything to drink" Spike looked at Willow to see if she was buying his excuse. 

"You were eavesdropping weren't you" 

"Maybe, maybe not. I live here too you know!" 

"Spike" Willow said warningly. 

"OK all right, I was, but I only wanted to check if Buffy was OK" 

"Don't upset her!" Willow warned turning and heading for the stairs. 

Spike smiled to himself *she loves me* he thought *she actually loves me*. Once Willow was out of sight Spike saw his chance to confront Buffy. Knocking on her door waiting for her to say "come in" he entered. 

Expecting someone else, anyone else Buffy looked up at the figure who entered. 

"Uh.........come in" she stammered. Spike closed the door behind him. Walking further into the room he sat down on the bed beside Buffy. 

"I'm so sorry Luv" he began 

"I thought you hated Riley?" 

"I do. I still do but that's not why I'm sorry. I'm sorry because your in pain. And I hate to think that somehow I'm a contributor to that pain". 

Buffy was silent. Unsure of what to say she let him continue. 

"Buffy I love you, you know that and I just want to tell you this" he paused for a second taking a deep breath "I will never leave you. I promise. I love you Buffy Anne Summers and I swear on my new life I'll love you forever". 

Buffy didn't have any words to convey what she felt at that moment. Looking into his eyes something told her she could trust him. Trust him with her life, of course she'd done that before. Trusting with her heart and soul she wasn't so sure about. 

Slowly she leaned forward pressing her lips to his. The kiss which started off slow ended up being a passionate embrace. 

As the couple broke apart Buffy brought her hand up to touch his face. 

"I love you too Spike" she said simply. He was just about to respond when she silenced him with another kiss. 

TBC..................................................... 

A/N: Sorry if this chapter is kind of fluffy it's all relevant to the story. Please review I love the ones I've got so far. Next chapter up soon and it's exciting!!!!!! 


	12. The Bombshell

Title:..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters and all here are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has been turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before the end? 

Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died. 

Feedback: That would be excellent I'd love it! 

Chapter Twelve

Buffy awoke a warm calm feeling surrounding her. Turning over to her right side what she expected to see wasn't there. 

*Where is he?* she thought and then that's when she smelt it. Cooking. 

Getting up form the bed and putting on her dressing gown she quietly made her way downstairs. Following the sweet smell of pancakes and waffles she found herself staring at an unfamiliar sight. Spike..wearing an apron! 

Dawn smiled as she noticed her sister standing in the kitchen doorway. Buffy put her finger to her lips urging Dawn to keep quiet as she silently crept up behind the bleached former vamp. Circling his waist with her arms and kissing his bare back with her soft lips. He moaned in pleasure turning around to bring her lips up to his. 

"Eww gross" Dawn commented from her seat across the kitchen table. 

Buffy and Spike broke the kiss long enough to stare back at Dawn. "What's wrong with you Nibblet? I thought you wanted us two together?" 

"Yeah, I did but I don't want to watch the togetherness" 

Buffy and Spike just laughed. "OK you two be good while I go up and change.........." extracting herself from Spikes hold. 

"OK but hurry up" Spike called after her "the pancakes will get cold" 

Buffy shot Spike a glance and blew him a kiss before shooting back upstairs. 

As she walked over to her dresser she noticed a small calling card. Picking it up and turning it over in her hand she had a flash back to the night before: 

** "If you ever need anything, you can contact us at this address" Handing Buffy a small piece of card he left ** 

A wave of panic washed over her. "Spike" she exclaimed out loud. She had completely forgot why she contacted the Initiative in the first place. Spike's chip! 

She had been so caught up in her own happiness. Her heart sunk at the thought of losing him. Reaching for the phone she eagerly dialled the number on the back of the card. 

Waiting for someone, anyone to answer she got none. It just kept ringing and ringing. Hanging up she proceeded to get dressed deciding she'd call back a bit later (but not too late). As she descended the stairs for the second time that day she noticed Spike and Dawn were now sitting at the table. 

Spike looked up as he saw Buffy approach the table "Hey, you took your time. Your pancakes are cold now you kno................." he stopped what he was about to say noticing Buffy's fallen expression "what's wrong Luv?" 

"Spike.........we need to talk" Spike an Dawns facial expressions dropped. 

"I don't think I'm gonna like this" He said preparing to stand. 

"You two aren't breaking up already are you? cause I don't think I could go through that" Dawn looked worriedly from Spike to Buffy. 

Buffy shook her head "No Dawn we're not breaking up" Spike dropped his head in relief "I just need to talk to Spike in private for a few minutes". 

"Anything you have to say to Spike can be said in front of me" 

Buffy sighed and Spike looked up at her "sit down" she said. She didn't need an argument with Dawn right now. 

As they all took a seat Buffy continued to fill them in on the situation with the chip. Mostly all the stuff they didn't know. 

"Anyway" she continued directing the conversation more to Spike than Dawn "I think it would be a good idea if we started our relationship......" Buffy had some trouble finishing the sentence. 

But luckily Dawn interjected her opinion "I think what Buffy's trying to say is.....she doesn't want anything to happen to you. Your too important to her....and to me as well" she added silently. 

"Ah lil' Bit. I'm not going anywhere" he smiled. Putting a comforting hand on her shoulder he turned to Buffy "you don't have to worry either Luv" 

Buffy felt relieved he understood her but she still had that nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong, she could feel it. "I just don't want to lose you. I don't think I could take anymore loss. We need to sort this chip thing out as soon as possible so we can get on with our lives" 

"I agree Luv but how?" 

Taking and placing the small piece of card the sergeant had given her in his firm hands. 

She looked up at him. "What's this?" he asked turning the card over reading the address on the other side. 

"It's the address of the Initiative's base..............I think" she said with a degree of uncertainty "the sergeant gave it to me last night. Told me if there was anything I needed I should contact them" 

"And have you?" Dawn asked turning to her sister. 

"No. I couldn't get through. I'll try later and tell them your coming". 

"What? Your not going with me?" he asked her surprised 

"Hey, I thought you were the Big Bad?" he looked up at her with a puppy dog expression "Aw come on Spike you can go with Giles instead....besides he's been researching your condition and stuff and...I'll..just.......get in the way" she stood suddenly turning away to avoid looking at him walking to the counter. 

Spike sat there a second staring. He looked up at Dawn long enough to see her giving him a sympathetic smile. 

*Did Buffy really love him?* he thought *or was it all just an act to hide her remaining feelings for Soldier Boy. Maybe his death meant more to her than she was letting on? Maybe coming to the initiative with him was too much for her. She didn't want to be reminded.* 

Pushing the thoughts aside he quickly stood up and walked over to stand beside Buffy "I'm gonna go get changed Pet". Moving to the doorway he shot one final glance in her direction. He couldn't deny that his feelings were more than a little hurt. With a silent attempt at a sigh he moved to climb the stairs. 

As Dawn watched him go she turned to Buffy a sour expression plastered over her face "Buffy, why didn't you offer to go with him? he needs your support!" 

"Dawn.......I......" Buffy sighed "You just wouldn't understand" 

"Try me" she said glaring. But as Buffy just kept silent she stood to leave like Spike had a few moments earlier. "That's right Buffy sorry I forgot, I don't understand anything around here do I?" 

As Dawn stormed off Buffy turned back to the dishes sighing once more and muttering "Great" under her breath. 

******* 

"Hello Rupe" Spike shouted walking into the Magic Box. Giles looked up slightly frustrated at his outburst to which a couple of customers jumped at. 

Spike smiled to himself. Pleased that he still had the skill of scaring people. Walking over to the Watcher he noticed immediately that he wasn't ready to go with him but busy taking inventory. "You coming or what?" Spike asked somewhat rudely. 

But Giles didn't even look up as he said "Patience is a virtue" 

Spike sighed now deeply impatient at the Watchers patience. After a few moments of pacing the floor waiting for some response he tapped his finger on the ledger "Hurry up old man". 

Now Giles looked up "what's the hurry Spike? You worried we'll get to the initiative and it won't be there?" he asked jokingly. 

"Yeah, I do, knowing them" 

Giles sighed and removed his glasses once again to be cleaned. "All right just.....let me get my coat" 

As Giles collected his jacket from the back Spike noticed Anya exiting the stock room. She jumped slightly noticing the former vamp. 

"Spike you scared me!....again! When are you gonna stop that? What are you doing here?" 

"Waiting for..GILES" He shouted the watchers name loudly. 

As if on cue Giles appeared "Yes, yes..I'm coming. Can't you be patient for one minute?" Spike rolled his eyes and headed for the door "Oh Anya, I expect you to behave like I was here. This is my store remember!" he exclaimed. 

"When are you ever here?" she said under her breath "your always cleaning up Buffy's messes" 

"I heard that. Be lucky I haven't fired you....yet". 

"FINALLY" Spike sighed a little too loudly "come on pops, lets go" 

"Get in the car" Giles said following him out turning to give one final piece of advice to Anya "remember what I told you". 

******* 

The journey over to the Initiative was made in remote silence. In fact the only time Giles spoke to Spike was to remind him not to smoke in his car. 

Spike knew he shouldn't really but it was a hard habit to kick. Especially since you've done it for years and years. But now he had his health to worry about, he couldn't risk anything happening to him. He'd just have to keep reminding himself that he was alive now. 

They pulled up in front what looked like a deserted army base camp. Five separated large buildings were spaced out around a large military training ground. Spike started to feel a little overwhelmed. Especially considering the circumstances which led them to the government cover-up organisation in the first place. Turning to Giles he noticed he was sweating slightly. 

Giles parked the car opposite a large metal gate. As they approached a loud voice was heard above them. "STOP RIGHT THERE. IDENTIFY YOURSELVES". 

The pair looked up to see a camouflaged speaker. "Uh.my name is Rupert Giles" the Watcher said somewhat nervously "And this is...." 

"William Weatherby" Spike finished. Giles turned to him a smile coming over his face realising it was the first time he actually heard Spike's real name. 

"We..we.. have an appointment..I believe" Giles stuttered "With...a...Sergent Lockely". 

The pair could hear the sound of papers rustling and then a loud buzz from the gate. 

"PUSH THE GATE AND STAY TO THE LEFT" 

Giles and Spike did as they were told. Pushing the gate open they entered finding that it closed automatically behind them. Keeping to the left of the path they must have walked about a hundred metres in when suddenly the path just came to a standstill! Looking around it seemed like they were in the middle of nowhere. It was just bleak landscape. 

Spike turned around suddenly noticing a soldier obviously walking towards them. *Where did he come from?* A tallish, medium build kind of guy in about his early twenties. With blond hair. *A typical soldier Boy* He thought. 

"Hi, I'm Agent Allen" Giles whirled round at the voice "I'm here to escort you to the Captains office". 

Spike and Giles looked at each other for a moment "Actually we're here to see......." Spike started but was cut off abruptly by Giles. 

"That's fine" 

The Agent just nodded not noticing the glares Spike was giving out to both of them. 

He led them to a spot on the field. Looking down Spike could just about make out the shape of a camouflaged trapped door. As it was opened a stairway could be seen leading down. The whole 'abandoned army base thing' was obviously a cover up to hide what was really going on below. 

The Agent led them through corridors and stairwells. The style of the place pretty much hadn't changed except for a few things here and there. Spike didn't see any demon holding cells like before, which made him wonder what type of agency they were running now. 

Agent Allen led them into a large office obviously occupied by a authority figure. There were no windows of course but dim ultra violet light. The whole room had a real masculine military feel about it. 

"If you'll take a seat, the Captain I'm sure will be with you shortly" and with another curt nod he left, leaving them alone..........again. 

Giles took the opportunity to take his advice and sit down in one of the leather chairs. Spike on the other hand preferred to stand. He really couldn't wait to get out of there. The couple turned as they heard the door open. Three men entered the room. One in a uniform, the other two wearing white coats. 

he man in the uniform came forward "Mr Giles?" 

Giles nodded and prepared to stand but the Captain or whatever he was motioned for him to sit back down. "I am Captain Adrian Rocher. I took over the Initiative operation after that certain incident in Sunnydale awhile ago. I am head of what you see before you" he paused giving them a tour with his hands. "These are my associates Dr Clegg and Dr Maxwell. Dr Clegg is the man responsible for the design of the chip". 

Spike's anger began to rise but as they turned to him the anger began to change into trepidation. He felt like a lamb being led into the slaughter house. "This must be the one that got away, so to speak" the Captain said with a laugh "Hostile 17. I assume he's the reason your here?" 

"HE has a name" Spike said glaring at the Captain insulted "It's Spike! Spike, not Hostile 17!" 

"Yes..well.." the Captain stuttered turning to Giles waiting for an explanation. 

It took Giles about ten minutes to explain everything. Especially with all the stuttering he seemed to do when he was nervous. All through the proceedings Spike noticed they kept a watchful eye on him. He wondered whether they were actually gonna let him leave. God how he wished Buffy were here with him now. Why wasn't she here? 

"We'll have to run some tests...." Spike immediately looked up panic shining in his eyes. Now he REALLY wished Buffy was with him. "They shouldn't take more than an hour or so" 

Spike shuddered at the thought of having them poke and probe him. All the while wearing some breezy gown that opened at the back. "No way" he said firmly. 

Giles turned towards Spike. "Spike you have to have the tests. We came here to find out what the chip is doing to you and in your condition" 

"I never agreed to any tests! I don't want them touching anything!" Spike pointed to the two doctors. 

Spike, you need these tests! I know how you feel about this but trust me. All you have to do is trust me. Nothing will happen to you, I'll be there watching. Plus Buffy would want you to have them!" 

Spike sighed knowing all too well that the Watcher was right. He hated admitting that to himself. And he knew he should have the tests. If not for himself................for Buffy. *Even if she wasn't with him* she thought. 

"All right, All right I'll do it" he said "but not for you" he pointed to the Initiative "for Buffy". 

The doctors nodded. Wanting to get underway as soon as possible they took Spike to a brightly lit laboratory. It reminded Spike too well of the one in Sunnydale about a year ago. He had a bad feeling abut it all but it was too late to turn back. They must have spent about an hour hooking and unhooking him up to scanners, treadmills, EKG and other such machines. 

******* 

After four long tiresome hours Spike and Giles were now seated back in the large office......waiting. 

Spike hated waiting. Turning to Giles he saw the Watcher seemed totally calm "I can't stand this. You'd think they'd have the results by now!" 

"Just relax" Giles replied "they'll be back soon" 

"You said that an hour ago, the tests took less time than this" 

Giles was just about to reply when the door opened and in stepped Captain Rocher and Dr Clegg. Spike watched intently as the pair took seats in front of them. 

"Well?" Spike asked impatiently. He just had to hear the results if anything just to get on with his life. 

"Mr....er.....Spike" the captain stuttered "We have your results. I'm afraid it's not good" 

Spike felt a wave of panic shoot through him. He knew it was too good to be true. There always had to be some complication. He looked up into the man he knew had the answers "what's wrong with me?" 

The room fell silent for a second then suddenly the doctor spoke "The chip is........malfunctioning" 

"Well great" Spike exclaimed "If the chip is malfunctioning then that means no more headaches..........right?" 

"I'm afraid it's not as simple as that" the doctor continued "You see the chip that's lodged in the parietal lobe. It has never been planted in a human brain before. This situation was never expected to happen" he said frankly. 

"So what are you saying?" Giles asked. 

"What I'm saying is...Spike..doesn't have much time. These headaches and such he's been recieving...they're all symptoms of .....degeneration within the brain". 

"So your telling me that this thing you've planted in my head is destroying me?" 

The doctor nodded. "So what do we do now?" Spike asked "What's gonna happen?" 

Dr Glegg drew in a deep breath looking straight at Spike "I can't say. We....uh..." 

"Am I gonna die?" 

"It's possible if it....if we can't find a way of..........." 

"Why don't you just remove it?" interjected Giles. 

"We can't" The Captain replied. "We tried" 

"Can't or Won't?" Replied Spike. 

"We can't" he said firmly. 

TBC............................................................... 

A/N: I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. I told you it was gonna get exciting. Please keep reviewing I love the ones you've sent so far. Oh and give me you ideas too you know whether you want me to kill Spike or not You know that kind of stuff. I'll try and continue soon (if I get enough reviews, haha). 

Oh yeah and thanks for all the reviews on my other story SEX,LIES AND.......HIGHSCHOOL the next chapter of that should be up tomorrow or today. Thanks. 


	13. Confessional

Title:..........and then you die 

Author: Summer 

Rating: R? 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters and all here are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Spike has been turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before the end? 

Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died. 

Feedback: That would be excellent I'd love it! 

Chapter thirteen - Confessional

As the English couple drove back, they sat in complete silence. Giles didn't dare say anything to the blond. I mean, what would he say? And Spike just sat there staring off out the window. It was obvious he was in deep thought. Thinking of Buffy and how he was gonna upset her. How he'd let her down. How their dream life had been snatched away from them. 

*Sigh* How could he tell her? 

Life was so unbelievably cruel. Maybe this was payback for all the terror he had pursued. This was the fates revenge. 

Maybe he could take her to dinner or the beach, break it to her gently. *Sigh* No matter how gently he broke the news it wouldn't stop the pain for coming. Maybe he should just wait. Could he wait? *Sigh* he was so confused. 

Staring at the view something caught his eye. As Giles pulled up to a stop sign Spike suddenly got out. 

"Where you going?" Giles almost shouted 

Spike closed the door. Looking in through the window at the watcher "I'm just gonna get some fresh air...think for a bit" 

"I'm not so sure that-" Giles was just about to argue when Spike cut him off 

"Don't worry Watcher, I can take care of myself" 

Giles sighed heavily looking down at the steering wheel and back to Spike "what shall I tell Buffy and the others?" 

Spike turned pale at the mention of Buffy's name. He felt a small pang in his heart. "You can't tell Buffy anything you understand?" Giles nodded "promise me Watcher" 

"all right" Giles said reluctantly ".......just be careful" 

"Don't worry Watcher I'll get a cab back" Spike turned and walked away at the sound of cars hooting behind Giles. 

Giles sat there for a few seconds. He watched as the former vamp made it safely to the sidewalk. Shaking his head at the tooting horns behind him. "Yes all right, I'm moving" he shouted out his window, carefully pulled away and drove off. 

Spike was left alone. 

Watching as the car sped into the distance he collected his thoughts. He turned around, staring at the wooden sign in front of him. 

'Saint Catherine's Catholic Church, saving souls, helping lives' 

Taking in a deep breath he exhaled it in a long sigh. Apprehensive at first he made his way to the large oak doors. 

His first instinct was to knock but thinking better of the situation he decided it was best just to walk in. The doors looked heavy and old but were not overly hard to push open. In fact the whole church looked as though it pre dated the 1800's. Stepping inside he noticed the worn and ragged pews stretching all the way up to the alter. It wasn't a bad looking church really. What it lacked in modernisation it made up for in rustic charm. 

Exhaling a deep sigh he didn't realise he was holding, he slowly walked over to one of the remaining cushioned pews. In doing so he noticed incredibly still the atmosphere was. It engulfed you. The fact that he seemed to be the only visitor only further perturbed him. 

*Why am I here?* He thought. Although he knew the answer. In his heart, he knew. He knew why he was there but knowing it didn't make him feel any comfort. 

What he wanted. What you think. Redemption? Absolution? He knew what he wanted the most.......to wake up from this nightmare. Slamming his hand down on the back of the pew in front of him he let his face slip into the crook of his elbow to rest there, tears threatening to spill. 

For a moment he thought he heard footsteps. He looked up to see.......................no one. 

But then "Excuse me" 

Turning he saw a middle aged man standing behind him holding a prayer book. Obviously the priest of the haggard chapel. A good looking man, medium height with an Irish accent. He reminded Spike of something of the Angelus he knew. 

"I'm sorry, I'm father Patrick. Are you here for confession?" 

Spike thought for a moment sighing inwardly. He was about to decline when he found himself saying "yes". 

The priest nodded "give me five minutes, I'll be right with you" 

Spike sighed again as the priest left. Rising to stand, he felt the bile rise in his throat. 

Why had he said yes? 

Looking over the contents of the church, his eyes came to rest upon the confession box. Taking in a deep breath, he walked over and entered. 

No sooner than he sat down he started to feel the knots in his stomach. It reminded him of when he was a boy of six. How his Grandmother had took him to church for the first time. How she read from the bible on Sundays all the time telling him and his sister how important it was to serve the Lord, be good and ask for forgiveness whenever they'd done something wrong. 

He had a flashback to the days when he used to travel to church every Sunday in a horse and trap. When he usually got into trouble or sinned his mother would make him go to confession and then come home to receive a 'good hiding' from his father. Things seemed to get worse after his after his father and grandmother died. His mother turned more to her faith. She used to say that they were all she had left. It was funny how life worked out sometimes. Him becoming the very thing his mother was against. 

He was broken out of his thoughts by the sound of the priest approaching. Exhaling a sharp breath he silently mumbled "here we go" 

"Father forgive me, for I have sinned" 

"What is this sin my child?" 

Spike held back a small laugh *that's an understatement* he thought. "I have lied father" 

"To whom have you lied?" the priest asked 

"To my......." Spike paused for a second, unsure how to proceed "................to my family" 

"And what is this lie?" 

"It's a promise" he said quietly. 

"Oh?" 

Even though Spike couldn't see the priests expression he could tell he was confused. "It's complicated, I'm sorry father" Spike was preparing to stand. He just didn't feel he belonged there. 

As Spike was about to walk out the priest called him back "wait, my child. Tell me your promise" 

Spike sighed and reluctantly turned to sit back down. His head in his hands. "I don't know where to begin" 

"How about from the beginning" the priest offered. 

"Well..........I used to be......(*sigh*)..................I've sinned............alot" Spike stuttered. He could almost hear the priest nodding. "I'm in love with a woman..a wonderful woman. Who saved me!" 

"Go on" 

"She saved me in every way a person can be saved. She.....she changed me" 

"Did you want to change?" 

Spike was silent for a time contemplating the question put before him. Thirty seconds past before he could give an answer. With a stray tear slipping down his cheek he said..... "yes I did......but everything's changed. Its all changed". 

Spike tried his best to control the flow of tears that sprang to his eyes. Realising the priest was still he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. 

"Why has it changed?" 

"Because....." he paused. Releasing a deep breath he felt a flash of heat spread across his face "............because I have to return. Go back. For her.......for them. Return to the darkness". 

The priest listened to the young man eagerly. A man who come from darkness and clawed his way out because of one woman. *this woman must be something special* he thought. 

"One you change it's harder to change back" the priest commented. 

"Then what shall I do father?" 

The priest was more than a little troubled at this mans dilemma. Instinct told him to say "Turn to the Lord , my son. Stay on his path and he shall lead you to righteousness". 

Spike nodded to himself and prepared to stand for the second time that night. "Thank you father". 

The priest was about to call the stranger back but by the time he was out of the confession box the strangers footsteps had all but died away within the shadows. 

******* 

Spike had been walking for hours ever since he left the church. He dared not go home. He felt...........ashamed and scared. He knew somewhere inside it was silly to be afraid of such things. But he couldn't get the image of Buffy's face out of his mind. How could he tell her? The priests echoing words floated back into his mind **Put your faith in God**. 

(*Sigh*) Life sucks, he thought. He'd just got life back and now it was being taken away from him. *If only there was another way*. 

He turned his head to the right, hearing footsteps down a nearby alleyway. He didn't need to check his watch to know that it was after dusk. The whispering got louder as he approached the corner. Vampires were the first thought that came to his mind. 

"Damn" he said all too loudly 

Checking his pockets he couldn't find a stake anywhere. Not even that bottle of holy water Buffy had given him in case if an emergency. He thought about crossing the road or even going back the way he came. Getting turned AGAIN wasn't an option for him right now. Taking his own advice he turned round and came face to face with the stranger. 

"ANGEL!" He exclaimed. 

TBC......................................................................................................................................... 

A/N: Sorry this took so long to post guys. I promise I'll post more real soon. Please keep reviewing. Thanks for all the reviews so far. Can't wait for more. PLEASE REVIEW! 

Oh and also I 'borrowed' a line from Titanic. You might have noticed? 


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